We arrived at Mt Pleasant Animal Hospital around 9:20am. They told us to give them a few minutes to prepare Shasta's body.
About 10mins later, a person came into the waiting area to tell us they were ready.
I entered the room first, with Jessica trailing behind me. There was an animal on some kind of cart, with a white sheet over it. When the person moved the sheet. I was shocked. It was not Shasta. They had brought out the wrong dog. It was a German Shepherd. Jessica was the first to react saying that this was not our dog. The guy seemed a little surprised and so back to the waiting area we went, to allow them to fix their mess up.
10 more minutes passed, and the guy was back to say there were ready... again.
Shasta's head was laying on his pillow. It was not his usual really stinky pillow. That one is still at home laying on the ground in our condo at Dover. I told Jessica to leave that one behind. This pillow was the one that Gill had purchased for us in SF and shipped it to Singapore because we couldn't find a similar pillow in Singapore. It was the one we made him use while we were away.
He looked peaceful. His eyes were just a small bit open, and surprisingly, they looked like they had a little life in them. Maybe it was just my imagination.
I touched him. He was cold. But his paws and ears felt the same... I started crying.
Honestly, I don't remember the last time, if ever, I have cried so much.
The guy offered me some kleenex.
I just knelt there, touching him, crying and wiping tears away.
I think I was there for about another 4-5 mins, put his donut toy (that we play catch with him with) between his front paws, and then I told Jessica I was going to go outside.
Shasta's body was then to be cremated. His ashes will be ready for pick up on Monday.
We have not yet decided what to do with his ashes.
The hospital will put his ashes in an urn. Honestly, the urn is hella ugly.
Even though we have not decided what to do with his ashes, we will bring the ashes back to the US. We discussed several options.
(1) Bury the ashes in the back yard of a home we eventually buy.
or (I like this one a little better)
(2) When we go camping this summer at Mount/Lake Shasta, we will disperse his ashes on the little island. Those of you who have been camping with us know what island we are talking about.
Today is supposed to be closure. We donated his food to this girl that Jessica had found on the internet who rescues dogs.
I don't think there is a such a thing as closure.
Symbolically, the cremation was closure. That aside, I don't know how there is going to be closure to missing something you care and treasure so much.
Shasta, may you rest in peace. We love you and will miss you greatly.
1 comment:
Just so you know...we've hauled Schone's, Lola's and Joey's ashes with us everywhere we've moved (Schone has been gone for almost 7 yrs and her ashes have been across the country and back).
At one time, I had Schone's ashes sitting on top of the TV, but it freaked people out too much, so John made me put them in the closet. I can't bring myself to scatter them yet - any of them. Sometimes I still think that I hear Joey following me around the house or Lola's tail thumping...You will never stop missing them or loving them. I certainly haven't.
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