Less than 24 hrs ago, I had learnt the news that Shasta was gone.
I don't remember anything close to the last 24 hours in my entire life.
Maybe I have not lost anything that near and dear to me in my entire life.
In the last 24 hrs, I have cried, I have questioned our decisions, I have cried more.
I have wondered, I have hoped (that it was just one big nightmare), I have cried even more.
I think some of you may find it hard to understand. I don't either.
Shasta was just a dog. In my Mom's words... he is a "pet".
For those of you with "pets", especially here in the US. Many a time, your "pet" is not just a "pet". He/she is part of your family.
Shasta was part of our family. A big (literally and figuratively) part.
We referred to him as our "kid". And I think we really meant it.
He didn't know how to talk in human language, but dogs know how to communicate.
He was almost 5 and in dog years, that's almost my age... 35, but he acted like he was a 5 year old kid.
He had one of the best personalities I have ever seen in dogs I have been around.
A big dog that provided a sense of security to those around him (maybe a false sense of security because he is after all kind of a coward).
A dog that would try to lick you after getting a scolding for doing something he was not supposed to do.
Shasta never complained.
He always seemed contented.
When he got out of his crate at the airport freight center in Singapore after spending about 28 hours in his crate. He was just glad to see me. Even if he was upset with us for putting him through that ordeal, he didn't show it. He just kept wagging his tail and licking me.
When we leave town and don't take him with us (cos he is 104 lbs and difficult to smuggle on a flight), when we return, he doesn't complain, he is just glad to see us.
When we return home, here in SF or in Singapore, it didn't matter if we were gone the whole day or just 5-10 mins to go run an errand, he would greet us at the door with his wagging tail. He was just glad to see us.
And we glad to see him.
But I think, at least I, took that for granted... and it's now all gone.
For all the times that I have punished him, it was good for him to learn, but now I feel bad.
The funny thing, unlike human beings, he doesn't take it personal. 2 mins after it is done, he comes up to you to lick you. He never held a grudge.
Shasta was not a dog loving dog. He got on well with some, he didn't get on well with others. I hope he gets on well with the dogs wherever he may be now...
If there is some after life for dogs, like a doggy heaven or something, hopefully he has Lola there to greet him. He got on well with her.
I have not left the hotel room in 24 hrs. That was not the plan. The plan was to go hang out with Chuck the entire long weekend. It didn't seem like the right thing to do.
Like Jessica mentioned in one of her posts, I just want to be alone or with Jessica right now. I don't think anyone will understand and I don't expect anyone to. Shasta was our child. We have lost him. I have eaten a nutrition bar and drank a bottle of water in the last 24 hours. It has been weird. I am mourning over an animal. But he was not just any animal. He was Shasta.
Shasta, may you rest in peace. I miss you. I know that everyone keeps reminding us that he led a good life. I know he did. But it was short. Maybe that was better, then you didn't have to suffer the effects of old age. I'm sorry it couldn't have been longer. I'm sorry we were not there at the time you needed us most. I'm sorry.
For those of you who are concerned about us. We will be fine. If you decide to call and I don't feel like talking, please try to understand. I am really in no mood to talk to anyone. I am not going crazy or anything like that. I am just really sad. I never thought I would be this sad when Shasta passes on, maybe it was the last 3 months of hanging out with him almost 24/7. I don't know. Again, we would really appreciate your understanding if we didn't want to talk.
We love you Shasta.
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