Another 2 more days in the bay area

I have another 2 more days in the Bay Area before I leave for Singapore.

I have very mixed feelings. Even worse than when I left in January.

I want to be with Jessica. I think we will be able to help each other in our healing process.

However, I really do not want to return to our home with Shasta not being there.

I can't imagine how Jessica feels right now with the both of us not around.

I didn't think it would be that hard.

We are 3 days removed from the bad news and I still can't hold a conversation about Shasta without getting upset.

I really never thought it would be that difficult.

I am at Chuck's place till tomorrow. Last night we had a bbq. It was hard. For the last 3-4 years we have been having bbqs, Shasta has always been there. He enjoys bbqs, especially if Uncle Charlie is there (which is like 90% of our bbqs). Uncle Charlie is a messy eater (on purpose) and ALWAYS "drops" food for him. He loves Uncle Charlie at our bbqs. 

I stood to the side and imagined Shasta sitting quietly next to Charlie waiting for him to drop food. That won't be happening anymore.