Before it all happened...maybe I could have made better decisions?

Posting by Jess:
Gavin is still in the the San Francisco bay area....so I will keep up with the updates on the events since I have returned to Singapore.

Before we were told about Shasta's death
May 24 around 4pm SG time: I was in Narita airport waiting for my flight back to SG. Flight was on time (a little early too) and I got online and chatted with Gavin a little to find out how his day went. I was looking forward to the flight back to SG.
I was excited to see Shasta...I didn't get to kiss him goodbye the day Gav brought him over to my Mom's. I had played it in my head on how excited Shasta will be when he sees me. So I reminded myself that when i see him, I have to make him do a "sit" before I pat him. This helps in reminding him not to jump when he gets excited. Although, I must say that Shasta had been really good coz he probably jumped in excitement less than 10 times in his short life.

On Flight from NRT to SG: I sat next to this gentleman around 50ish of age. We chatted a little and he mentioned that he is a physician with the Navy but he did the career switch when he was 32. He asked if I have an MBA, I said no. I said that if I were to go to grad school, I probably won't get an MBA, I may opt to go to vet school. Over the years in my work life, I have come to realize that I do want to work with pets and have considered taking pet grooming courses or taking classes to be a vet technician coz that seems to be a cheaper and shorter option than going to vet school. The physician said that it is never too late to make a career switch. I sat there thinking about it.

At about the same time that I had this conversation and thinking about vet school on flight, back in Singapore, Shasta had apparently gotten out to the balcony and in less than an hour of being left alone, he probably got curious about the pigeons sitting at the opposite wall. The pigeons made quite a bit of noise.

Arrived in SG airport where both my brothers and mom were present at the Gate
May 25 12:10am: When I first saw my family, I thought to myself that they must have really thought that I bought tons of stuff coz they came in 2 cars to pick me up. My eldest brother came up to greet me first. I looked at his expression and all of their expressions and they all looked sad and troubled.

I asked my eldest bro, "what's wrong? why you look like that?"
"I have bad news."
My first answer, "What happened? Is grandma dead?" My grandma has been fighting for her life for the past year or so but she has gotten much better this year...so that's why I thought her condition worsened suddenly.
"No, Shasta is dead. I'm sorry."
I couldn't believe those words. That can't be. I spoke to my mom the night before the flight and she said Shasta is well....he even laid down on the balcony floor to get some sun on a few occasions. He has been eating well and adapting well. No trouble at all. How did all of this turn so quickly?

I started crying at the airport...my feet were frozen...my mom started to cry and she probably cried louder than I did. My brother told me that my mom left the house at around 4:15ish. She checked all the windows and doors to ensure that Shasta was safe in the apt. The only part that can't be closed entirely is the gap in the sliding door of the balcony. the sliding door has been jammed since they moved in and it has a gap about the size of shasta's paw - one paw. I had seen that gap and tried to push it before. It is tight. Therefore, I didn't think that was a concern.

Shasta had a laid back personality, ie, he was lazy to retrieve a toy if it required to much work. Or, you can also say that he was obedient. Example, if we put him in a room, he would attempt to open the door (by scratching the door) once or twice and then he would sit and wait. He knew that we would open the door for him, eventually, so he waited. When his toy got under the couch and he couldn't get to it coz of his size, he would sit down and start whining till either Gav or me retrieved it for him.

Thus, I thought I knew him well and didn't think that Shasta would attempt to force open the gap in the door... I didn't even think that he would notice the gap as he preferred to hang around humans.

When my brother got back around 5:30ish, he couldn't find Shasta in the apt. My brother must have looked down from the balcony and saw Shasta lying down on the 2nd floor.

From 5:30ish to when my family came to the airport, they had contacted Gavin's parents (my in-laws) and they came by. Gavin's dad drove over and stayed with my mom who has returned to the condo. My eldest brother had contacted for someone at Mount Pleasant Pet Hospital to come by and help to transport Shasta. Gavin's mom walked a long way from the train station to the condo. I am really grateful for such great in laws.

My brother didn't want my mom to see Shasta on the 2nd floor...my mom saw Shasta's body from the 8th floor balcony. She suggested to my brother that there might be hope...Shasta's body was all intact. The bamboo sticks (for drying clothes in the outdoor) of the lower units were sticking out of the windows and that might help to break his fall. My brother said no, there's no hope. My brother got a blanket to wrap up Shasta. There wasn't much blood. there was only blood dripping out from his ears, nose and mouth.

I am not sure how my brother and the hospital person helped to carry shasta's body out of the 2nd floor as it had to go through another corridor window grills. Shasta weighed 104 lb (44 kg) so that's a lot of weight for a single person to carry.

On the drive from the airport to home, I asked my brother if shasta was dead when he found him. He said yes. I was relieved in some sense. Shasta did not have to endure much pain...or maybe he did suffer pain...maybe he was not dead yet but no one knew about it and he died from too much internal bleeding? Maybe this is a sign that our move back to Singapore was a bad decision? Maybe I have been making all the bad decision for us? Maybe I should have given Shasta up to SPCA and this won't have happened? Maybe I should have put Shasta with a petsitter who lives in a house since Shasta does not know what height is? Maybe I shouldn't have adopted Shasta in the first place coz I have failed?

I asked my brother if I could see him. It was late and my brother said he would call at 9am tomorrow, Sunday to make an appt. I waited patiently. The ride home was silent...I don't know what I would do when I step into the apt and Shasta wouldn't be there to greet me with his wagging tail. I don't know.